as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
