is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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