The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My ass is underappreciated
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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