Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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