False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
