I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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