Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I need a burrito and a hug.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
