Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
