So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
