I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
where are my eyebrows?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
