it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
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Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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