"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
