Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
