it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
