Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hippo gnu deer
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
