hotel room ftw
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
