No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
