She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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