Tell her she can't have a vagina
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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