doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
