You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize