he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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