Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
