He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
