Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
