I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
