you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
