So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
At least life still wants to fuck me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
