She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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