also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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