I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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