Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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