our cab driver is having phone sex.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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