i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
