Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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