you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
