At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
