Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
