I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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