People in love make me want to vomit
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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