Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
