some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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