i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
