Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
