Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
