From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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