Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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