I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
