i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize