Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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