dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
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using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
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I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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