So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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