He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
