Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize