my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
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