textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Randomize
