i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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