some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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