so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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