I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
