I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
