do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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