I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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