Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
