He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
