Your mouth is God's brothel.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
