My hand turned me down
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
