i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
