I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
