She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
