You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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