So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
