Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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