The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
