You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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