the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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