Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
