This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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