I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
