YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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