So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
