Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
