I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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