if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
